When Time Travel was Possible

Let’s hearken back to a simpler time. When soda was a treat and two slices of pizza filled you up. Back when 10pm was past your bedtime and you hid behind the sofa during the heart-ripping-out scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Weirdos, I am hearkening back to our childhood.

It was at this stage in my development that I first foresaw the potential of time travel. A man who could harness the power of time would have both infinite power and endless possibilities. All doors would be open to him.  Not to get sidetracked but now that we’re on the topic I highly recommend the game “Braid” to anyone with Xbox 360; it’s a downloadable 2D puzzle platformer with an amazing soundtrack. The main character manipulates time in order to proceed through the story. Some of the puzzles are really tough. So awesome!


Anyway back to my own experiences. There was a time when time travel existed,  and we are travelling back there together, right now.

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My house is a time machine. I
landed at the prehistoric
time I got a Proe.toe sarato-
ops I eat beans and sat on the
sofa and travel all aroud.

If you look to the far right  you’ll see my mom’s handwriting on there that says “2nd Grade”, so I’ll guess I was what, 7? As you can see I had it all figured out back then, plus my handwriting was phenomenal. I’m going to break this down.

My house is a time machine
Well that pretty much says it all. My whole damn house was a time machine and I could literally fly through time from the comfort of my own home. Who needs a Delorean?

I eat beans
I still love beans. I can safely guarantee that I was talking about baked beans back then. So let’s see, time traveling house, check. Delicious baked beans, check. Onward!

I landed at the prehistoric time(A) and I got a Proe.toe saratops  (B)
A) This sentence fragment here is interesting. I’m not sure if I had complete control over where my house took me or not. Did I land at the prehistoric time intentionally or did the house take me there? Am I in control of my own destiny? I’ll blog about that later.
B) This cute lil’ guy! I dare anyone to call me out on my spelling error here – I consider this totally acceptable! Haha, look how I sounded it out on paper! I was infatuated with dinosaurs and logically it makes sense that I’d want to “get” one nice and small and tame like this one at that age. I’m not sure exactly what “got” means but I’m guessing I “got” a Protoceratops in the same manner that I used to get frogs from my brook – I probably caught one with my hands and then let it go right after. You might say, why didn’t you get a Velociraptor, they’re much cooler! You’re right they are cooler*, but remember I was only 7.  A raptor would have almost certainly disembowelled and eaten me back then, especially considering I didn’t have any weapons. Just 7 year old me and some beans. I guess I could lock the door, but thanks to Jurassic Park we all know that would only delay the inevitable.
*Author’s Note: I wanted to really school you here and make a note that it would have been impossible to get a raptor during this particular time travel venture, because I was banking on the possibility that Protoceratops (Protocerati?) and Velociraptors lived in much different prehistoric time periods.  However I was surprised to discover that both in fact lived in the late Cretaceous period in the area of present day Mongolia; actually here’s a famous picture of the skeletons of a raptor and protoceratops fighting. So not only was this extremely possible, but I was taking some huge risks back then – I could have run into a raptor! You a bad mofo, baby Bello.

I sat on the sofa and travel all aroud.
Haha, ‘aroud’. Whatever, me and my time travelling house are going places. Places in time. Clearly this demonstrates that I can pretty much go where/whenever I want, at/to any time. Digest that.

(Im)Proper Grammar

  • My house IS a time machine – present tense
  • I LANDED at the prehistoric time – past tense
  • I GOT a Proe.toe saratops – past tense
  • I EAT beans – present tense
  • and SAT on the sofa – past tense
  • and TRAVEL all around – past tense

The grammatically perceptive among you may have noticed what appears to be improper grammar in this masterpiece. My tenses are all over the place! The layman might write this off as a tolerable misuse of verb tense at that age, but you laymen need to look deeper. My tenses were all over the place because I was fucking all over the place! How can I talk accurately about my time travel experiences using just one tense?!

What Happened?
I wish I knew. Maybe the ability to time travel resided only in that one house. I knew we shouldn’t have moved. Maybe there’s some other punk 7 year old whizzing all around through time in my old house, just chilling out on the sofa, eating baked beans and harvesting dinosaurs. Or maybe he’s totally different and he’s lounging around, munching on jellybeans and collecting authentic shurikens in feudal Japan. I’m not certain but a combination of beans and sofa seems to be a required element. With a time travelling house as long as there is an ever expanding timeline, the possibilities are literally endless. Maybe he’s still me, and he time traveled 23 years into the future and instantly became a man when time caught up to him. Maybe I should write a grown up version…

My bowl is a time machine. I landed back in Danbury CT and found my time machine house. I eat beans and sat on the sofa and travel all aroud.


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4 thoughts on “When Time Travel was Possible

  1. I didn’t even know a protoceratops existed! And they are pretty cute. You knew more about dinosaurs at 7 than I know at 30. Geez. Even though this reminds me of how little I know of the world of the ancient reptile, this post wins as my favorite yet. Get on your couch and go!

  2. Thanks D! Here on Rush street, we believe it’s important to have priorities no matter the age.

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