Fortune and Glory

Folks, I’ve finally made it big in the blogosphere. No more relying on vaguely sexual or explicitly sexual posts just to snag pageviews. No more promises of nipple. I’m a big dog now and I no longer need to resort to cheap tricks. Congratulations are not required, though they will of course be accepted and posted. Fortune and glory are mine. Ladies, dudes…I have officially started to receive Spam comments!!

I know, I know, I’m sure it’s a shock to you all too. Early commenters, I’d like to thank you all for your support in the infancy stages of my blog; it really helped to push me through and keep me going in times of doubt (even you, Clark Kent). But I’m past all that now. I am now firmly situated at the top of the blogging food chain, and the view from here looks overwhelmingly tasty!

‘But don’t most blogs take months, even years to establish and hold onto a loyal and legitimate fan base?’ you rightfully ask. How, exactly, did I rise to the top so fast? No need to address such logical and justifiable questions. Out with the old and in with the new. I’m here now, and you all now have a new source of internet guidance to idolize and compare yourself to. But first, some words of thanks to those who made my meteoric rise possible.

Below, I’ve cut and pasted the cream of my Spam comment crop in chronological order. Note how they begin timid, almost believable, and then quick descend into madness. The price of fame I suppose. They are all pasted exactly as written with one exception; I will not be including links to the websites that these champions accidentally left behind. I am positive that they, like me, are so awash in the constant support and adoration of their fans that a few extra views here and there would mean almost nothing to them.

And now without further ado, a round of personalized praise for the best of my spammy followers!! I feel this is an appropriate time to mention that this is the last time I will address anyone personally without them paying a convenience fee. Suckle from the power teet and tell me how it tastes!

First off I want to say excellent blog! I had a quick question that Id like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I have had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Cheers!

Andrew, thank you. Why, we even have the same name, isn’t that swell? Another Andrew who blogs, who woulda thunk it! Anyway, thanks again, I also think that my current events post was rather excellent. Of course I don’t mind Andrew; your question is interesting and I will take a stab at it! Technically speaking, I wouldn’t really call those first 10 to 15 minutes that you lose every time you try and write something ‘the beginning’ of a writing process. That’s like calling the saliva that pools in my mouth when I smell onions frying in a pan with olive oil the beginning of my meal. Not so! The part after that where you grab a hold of your shattered mind and force it to produce words and sentences – that, to me, is actually the beginning. I recommend less methamphetamine in your diet. 

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I wish I knew your name and how tall you are. Anyway Chuck, you’re right – my time travel post is something that most people probably don’t see regularly. Great observation! It is always a good thing when someone comes across one of my submittings as a result of their roomie that uncovered the item, in my opinion too! Oh, that’s flattering but I wouldn’t call me ‘one of a kind’; the internet is practically choking to death on meaningless blogs right now. Not mine though, my dedication is offered simply enough and my energy is so extremely visible that particular therefore you’re welcome!

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Whoa, slow down fuck buddy. First of all, I ordered my fuck buddy from BOSTON days ago and I still haven’t received my wares (my hooker). I say to you, the easiest justification that I take note of is your shabby customer service. It irks me. Speaking of side effects, will my fuck buddy be clean this time? The rash from the last one finally went away and I’d like to not scratch my junk at work all day because my coworkers are getting suspicious. Even so, I will likely be again to get more too. Wait, that’s the doorbell! Maybe she’s here! 

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Argh, my hooker still isn’t here yet. Look sex dating, I don’t know what you’ve heard about me but I feel like there are a few things I need to set straight here. Females with strap ons are definitely not welcome in casa del Bello. I like where you’re going with the brown hair, blue eyes and muscular build, but it seems like you may have had a seizure when you so willingly tried to type her house number. Are you alright? I too enjoy multiple orgasms, but not in Fort Worth Texas! Why would I fly all the way down there when the internet works perfectly fine on my laptop? Your needs are so hit and miss, you’re so mysterious to me. You want cuddling, kissing, and then a long term relationship in that order. Can we squeeze some heavy petting in there somewhere, preferably after the cuddling but sometime before the long term relationship? And for the last time, no drag, no femme dominate gay guys. They’re just not my flavor. I’m starting to get a little frustrated, and it’s not just because my Boston fuck buddy is so dreadfully late. Race is unimportant but I think you should pay a little more attention to age, just sayin’. Oh hey is NEWBIE GAL available for Saturday? 

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Hello back! You discovered my blog using msn? That’s a surprise to me, I would have figured I wasn’t very popular in that neck of the woods after I sort of bashed them for their horrendous editorial process. Bookmark away and please return at your earliest convenience, this site is stuffed right to the gills with useful info. And you’re welcome for the post, but don’t lie to me Walk for Dogs Gold Coast. Saying that you’ll definitely come back  is a verbal agreement, and I will hold you to it. Don’t break my heart, I’m too drawn out to handle any more stress. 

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Hey Robyn, you should upgrade to Chrome. I am also glad that you found the information that I’d ranted about in my Social Lore post, but I think you may have missed the boat. Are you people even reading my posts? These events are weeks old by now! And furthermore Robyn, your website for image printing really has nothing to do with anything; I can’t even find your name anywhere on it! Just what the fuck is going on here?!


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One thought on “Fortune and Glory

  1. Deirdre B on said:

    Funny post! Give Bello spam and he’ll make a delicious spam milk shake. However, I don’t understand these spams at all. Let alone the terrible grammer, I can’t find an organized thought in any of them.

    It raises a question that I’ll always wonder and never know: do robots make spam?
    Quite unlike the one thing I know and never wonder: Bellos makes laughs.

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