I Have Too Much Power

I feel like that’s so accurate it could be a photograph of me, except I have even more power and also someone shopped me some hair (I’ll take it).

I have too much power. Too much. That’s not to say I want to share it or give any of it up, I’m just sayin’ is all. Perhaps I’m meta-aware of my standing in time and the universe right now, but I am absolutely pulsing with power and ability.

How did I get this way? Eating right and living a healthy lifestyle? Am I the human offspring of a Roman god? A gamma radiation experiment gone wrong? Did I drink two 5 Hour Energies in a row?

None of that nonsense, lowly mortal! Hearken to me, allow me to demonstrate but a small fraction of my awesome and terrible power.

I want to watch the 1989 sci-fi thriller Leviathan tonight. I will.

For the next eight hours I want to peruse through an infinite number of musical selections, for free, of songs that are calculated to be to my liking. I will.

Hmmm, now I want something more tangible, something physical. I know, I want the actual dvd of the movie Wall-E within my possession by the end of the week. And I want it brand new and for cheap, say, under $10.00. It is mine.

I’ll be in the city tonight, and I want directions. I’ll be driving home after work, and I want to check traffic. Maybe now I’m home and I want to get my creep on and read about Karen O’s personal life history!

It is within my power to get almost anything I want, within mere days, hours, minutes or even seconds of wanting it. Now weakling, pay attention. Let me reveal the source, the wellspring from which my power gushes nigh uncontrollably:

It is the magic of the internet that lends me my might. A series of tubes to some, a conduit of omnipotence for me. I can look down across the land with a god’s eye view! I can be nearly instantly informed of the latest and greatest news, announcement or conflict in any major city in the entire world, any time I want.

If I can think of a thing that exists, I have the potential to see that thing, research it or buy it in under one minute.

In the slow moving march of centuries, no other generation of humanity can make such a claim, or even properly imagine its scope. Just ahead of my fingertips is more cumulative knowledge and power than all that existed in all collective kingdoms in the entire world for the past 500 years. 500 years ago if even a king wanted something that wasn’t in his immediate vicinity, the fastest method of communicating that desire was by carrier pigeon; now I can share pictures of bacon and my fabulous ties with the entire world in nearly an instant. The potential extent of my influence is nearly infinite; I am like unto a God.

Ask me something I don’t even know yet. I’ll just use this.

I didn’t even have to exert myself for this endowment; like all true ascension I was born into it. I was born right on the crest of the exact microscopic wave-sliver of time in the history of existence that spells the difference between me gathering berries in a loincloth, slaving all day under a feudal lord who I’ve never met, or driving a day’s walk on foot home in under 30 minutes inside of my automated chariot to find a computer animated masterpiece starring a hopeful robot who finds true love in the future in my mailbox.

Wall-E gets it.

I am equal parts ecstatic, humbled and terrified of my own power.

I, a modern god of average means, have more golden opportunity stretched in front of me than all the humans who have ever lived or died in the past (just googled how long humans have been around) ~200,000 years, and by the standards of my society I’m not even materially rich.

It’s a good thing this power is available only to me.


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